tried to take a picture of love.


there comes to a point in time, where u realise u're totally disconnected from the world. perhaps i have not quite comprehend the what losing my life really means, but it certainly came full blow to me ytd. u realise the damage of how 5 weeks can pull you apart from everyone. and u realise how within 5 short weeks everyone has moved on in life, found new friends, and lead new lives. and u realise that u're the only one stuck in the past, stuck in what u thought was still 5 weeks ago.




your voice was the soundtrack of my summer.

shouted out at 10:54 PM

to god be the glory!


i'm back in singapore again! this week has been the most hardcore week of my pes c army life cos it's FIELD CAMP!!!!! but but but of cos being pes c our field camp is not really a field camp. it's only four days and i get to come back to bathe and sleep on my bed. hahahaha. but i tink i'm becoming noober and noober cos despite all that welfare i still kana heat rashes and it's freakin painful and itchy rite now. last time i can survive 4 days of fansipan without a single rash. gosh i tink i'm getting old and it's about time that i retire from all these outdoor stuff. hahaha. and i got a damn bad cough tt i swear is gonna turn to asthma. tekong water is really not portable and i'm glad i'll fuck off within 2 weeks, or like how we count, it's just 10 more working days (cos u minus away the weekends.) so just 10 more days on tekong and i'll fuck off for good. the thought really sounds comforting man.

life has been pretty much the same. i always look forward to weekends but it always come as a huge disappointment. somehow the entire world is busy with their own stuff. i guess it's all about priority, and i'm just not on everyone's guest list. so for this week i'm done asking anyone to meet up. abandon the world before it abandons you. actly the world has already pretty much abandoned me. hahahhaa. okay i shall not emo. no matter wad i'll always have dennis and his maroon mercedes, and farrell chan tt bloody numbskull who's always stuck in ocs. ppl in ocs are considered dead cos they nv book out and nv see the world. rip farrell chan. hahaha.


looking on the brighter side of life, i'm extremely happy how my academic life has worked out. thank god for everything! and i can't stop thinking bout my bmw 7 series, my yacht, and my bungalow at sentosa cove. okay i knw i'm damn childish and materialistic but we all have to dream big yeah. and of cos i'm an fervent advocator of fraternity. hahahahaa. i'm deluded mannn.




nus bukit timah here i come! =)

shouted out at 10:15 PM

empty.

tt's how i've been feeling for the entire week. training has been moderate, just enough to keep my mind busy and my sanity. the days in tekong are always long and tiring, filled with pointless routines and orders. we rush to wait and we wait to rush. we are the puppets of the saf, insignificant to greater forces that control our lives. the mundane daily ritual has more or less been drilled down into my head, to the point where it numbs the mind. after 3 weeks in tekong, i no longer find the need of keeping in contact with anyone. or maybe i've grown tired of trying too hard. i'm no longer bothered by the deafening silence in my phone. sometimes it's easier to let go then to hold on.

brothers. tt's what we call each other. we live together, shower together, go through every damn thing together. yet everything is done on a superficial level. perhaps if i'm in pes b, and my cohort are all jc ppl, i may find a better connection with those around me. but in pes c, people from different educational backgrounds are all mixed together. i'm not saying it's a bad thing, but we are unable to connect. we are unable to identify with each other's lives or characteristics. the ah bengs would never comprehend why jc kids are always so enthu, why we always cheer so loud and obey instructions. just like how we would never understand why the ah bengs are always so rebellious. and the lives we lead are totally different. we only engage in superficial talk, trying in vain to establish a common identity amongst ourselves. it's really an eye opener, hearing about gang fights, and how life is in prison or boys' home. but yet the deeper we know each other's lives, the more we distance ourselves from each other. a jc kid would never be on close terms with an ah beng unless he wishes to screw his life up. we are all divided into different social stratas which are sadly, immiscible.

no doubt i've fired bullets, smelled gunpowder, trekked in jungles, and tasted the over dosed chlorine water in tekong. yet i would trade all this for my life back. my personal identity, my personal space, my personal life. i miss school badly. i miss vjc. i miss the aircon classrooms. i miss sleeping in lectures and copying tutorials. i miss my class. i miss odac. i've so much free time in army that i've replayed my two years of jc life mentally over and over again. all my past inadequacies and little victories. and how everything that i've done has led to the life i lead now.

spending the night in tekong is always depressing. within that one hour of admin time that we're given, everyone would be talking on the phones, or messaging someone - a testimony of the lives we have outside tekong. for me, this rarely happens. i often look at the glowing lights of changi airport in an island not so fair away from the one i'm living in, and reminisce the life which i once had. a life filled with friends and freedom, a life filled with endless parties and late nite pratas.


a life which i've loved, and lost.

shouted out at 7:53 AM

superstar.

i'm finally back!!! okay it's not really a full 2 week confinement cos i had mayday break, and not forgetting my countless book outs cos of my interviews/essays. so my 2 week confinement wasn't really a confinement at all. hahahaha. anyway i'm not supposed to blog about army cos it's a chargeable offence, which means i'll get sued by the saf and i'mm go detention barracks and carry sandbags and run in my boots everyday. yes just because i blogged bout army. it's quite stupid actually, cos everything wrong u do is a chargeable offence, but tt's how the saf works, which is why i'll never work in a public sector cos everything is so rigid and stupid.

anyway i can't believe i'm saying this but ni tink army's kinda fun. hahahaha. and tt's cos i'm in pes c and i'm in the most welfare company ever, which means i'm getting double welfare cos pes c training is supposed to be slack already. i get to bathe up to 3 times a day, have afternoon naps, and getting 2 hours of free time at night is considered normal and mandatory, for the plain simple reason that we're in pes c =) and our training is really quite slack, and it's hilarious cos the walking contingent (due to their various disabilities which i personally think is cao keng) is thrice the size of those who are participating in physical trainings. which meant that anytime we wanted we cld just join all those walking cos no one bothers checking if u're really excused from running since the whole contingent is so huge. in a nutshell, everyone's slacking and taught how to slack to their fullest. and because of that, i'm gaining weight. yes like 2 kg within 2 weeks. it's either i'm growing fatter, or i'm gaining muscle mass. i choose to believe the latter =)

oh and i've met a variety of ppl. from ah bengs, PHDs (poly halfway dropout), sec sch dropouts, pri sch dropouts, ite, jc, and this ultra smart guy from ascib who got 44/45. and yes he's kinda snobbish and i secretly hate him. HAHAHA. in army, being educated is like something to be ashamed of cos everyone are sch dropouts. and it's really a cultural shock, cos those ppl are real gangsters who go for gang fights. yes i'm living in my protected elitist world and i'm perfectly comfortable with it HAHAHA. sometimes i wish i was in an all jc environment so at least there's something to talk about and some connection that we can find between one and another. it really helps when all of us are cut of from the real world, something which brings you closer to home. but well i guess i'll just have to adapt and live with it., and i'm doing perfectly fine. haha.

and of cos army's really a very good time for you to think and reflect about almost everything cos u've so much free time to do so. i miss everyone really, and of cos my beloved hair. i look like a damn egghead now. i want my hair back please invent some serum that will make my hair grow back 100000 times faster. it's my crown. hahahaha. the peektures below document the last few hours of my beloved hair. haha. and the shirt writes "sleep with me for breakfast", yes thankew very much audrey. haha.








my hair rocks. period.

shouted out at 12:33 AM